The First One

Good company in a journey makes the way seem shorter. — Izaak Walton

Welcome to my new start. Some time ago I regularly posted my thoughts and process on another blog. I found sharing in that way to be a wonderful creative outlet, as well as a good way to connect with others.

In a period of life transitions and personal unraveling, I turned inward. I occasionally wrote in journals, but I stopped sharing my writing. My interactions on social media dwindled. I was unable to keep up the regular correspondence that had supported several meaningful friendships, leaving me feeling disconnected and guilty that I didn’t seem to have the energy to continue cultivating those connections.

Perhaps this was my way of dealing with my own shortcomings and evolving understanding of who I am. Perhaps it was a need to reconnect to myself without internalizing the thoughts and feelings of others. Perhaps I didn’t have the tools I needed to set the appropriate internal boundaries and still maintain an outward focus. Maybe I didn’t trust myself to know what I should or shouldn’t share. Or maybe I just went through a more inward season and I’m being too hard on myself.

Of course, it was a combination of all of the above. Letting my creativity atrophy and connections go dormant were merely symptoms of overwhelm stemming from trying to process so many things without the understanding I needed to do so in a self-supporting way. I try to be mindful that the entirety of my story is not just the obvious failings, but also all the underlying wounds and strengths and needs and gifts. It all has something to teach me if I pay attention.

I’ve done a lot of work over the past couple of years—alone and with a counselor—to gain a sense of knowing and belonging to myself. I’m working on healthy boundaries and finding new ways of understanding my relationships with others. I’m cultivating practices to rekindle my creative spark.

Starting over with a new blog is mainly a promise to myself that I can begin anew. It’s a promise that I will intentionally make time for my writing because through it I see more clearly how the individual threads that weave through my life fit into the totality of who I am becoming. It’s also a hope that I can live into a place of more openness than the withdrawn way I’ve been living, while continuing to honor how I’ve learned to belong to myself in my time away.

And it would be wonderful if anything I share could encourage someone else in their own journey.

So here’s to practicing seeing the whole picture, to looking close-up as well as taking the long view. Thank you for reading.

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