I wanted to write a poem
but I listened to an audiobook
and weeded the zinnias
and repotted some plants
and tried to figure out
why I sometimes parrot things
I’ve heard a thousand times
but do not actually believe.

I wondered how to shift
from default reactions
to thoughtful responses
when those defaults
feel so ingrained and
I have so little precedent
for expressing more
newly-acquired ideals.

I watered the blanket flowers
and kale and lamented
the tomatoes I neglected
to harvest before they
became suitable only
for compost and
thought about ways
we perpetuate unhelpful
patterns because
transformation is slow
and difficult and trying
a new direction
involves risk.

I wanted to write a poem
but I tended to plants
and got lost in thoughts
and now it’s late
and I should be helping
make dinner but there
are so many things
I want to change.